Have you ever listened to someone else speaking about themselves and had one of those ‘If they can do that, so can I’ thoughts?

I often hear people say, ‘I wish I could do so-and-so.’ And for me this kind of statement is like the red rag and the bull.

With all the ‘stuff’ that challenged me in the past (divorce, abuse, finances, self-esteem and lack of confidence) I know better than most that you can have nothing and create a worthwhile, dreamy and very holistic lifestyle.

In fact, I’d go as far to say my life has become a bit of an experiment – and a personal quest – to see how much I can overcome, grow, enjoy and share what I’ve learned so others can benefit.

When I hear people make ‘I wish’ statements, My usual response is now a kind of: ‘Then why don’t you?’ reply.

But what am I doing when I ask this question?

Echart Tolle says, ‘When pain is put close to radiant consciousness it is transformed like wood on a fire.’

In other words, when someone is struggling to get their dream out – when it’s choking and trying to wriggle its way out, through the barriers and the reasons and the excuses, all I’m doing is chucking a log onto the fire, in the hope it burns later.

Call it alchemy is you like. The question, ‘What stops you?’ is a meltdown question. And from all that melted lead that slops up from inside, can eventually, turn to gold.

One of the things I’ve been doing over the last five years is to take the heartache of what I went through as a victim of domestic violence and using it positively to transform my life and those who I come into contact with.

When a woman was screaming at her child in the street, I understood from my years of abuse the damage this would do to the child. I didn’t judge the screaming parent, but just offered her my help while she brought herself back to center.

That simple gesture was enough to transform the lead of the situation into gold. It turned the shouting into a slightly embarrassed smile and a thank you – which amounted to an acknowledgment of showing kindness in a moment of need.

A few years ago I was broke and in some pain from being financially crippled. I created the resources to change that and now teach a number of clients how to get themselves back on track – sometimes saving my fees several times over in a very short space of time.

If money is troubling you, a good, low cost way to start is my e-book, Getting in the Flow of Money – Immediately. It’s straight talking, simple and gives you an exercise we all should do, but probably don’t.

It’s true that no one goes from A-Z in a flash. You don’t go from being beaten and shouted at to suddenly being aware and caring of others. There is a journey and a process to go through.

And rest assured I’m not telling you these stories to impress you with how ‘Good I think I’ve got’. I’m sharing them with you as someone that know what it’s like to have had masses of pain and troubles and has (and is still) learning to enjoy life more with every breath.

I’m going to be covering this subject of lighting your fire, meltdown and creating gold in two talks I’m giving called Turning Inspiration into Reality – click here to book tickets.

To be honest, I’m relishing the prospect of giving these talks. I can’t wait to share what I’ve learned with you, because I know how you can manifest your inspiration dreams and wishes.

Turning your wish (inspiration) into reality is about process. Here’s an outline:

1. Know what you want

2. Create a plan

3. Work on the plan everyday, even for just five minutes

4. See what’s working. Notice what’s not.

5. Change what’s not working.

6. Keep changing what’s not working until you get what you want

Enjoy today’s exercise.

With Love and good wishes

Neil

Stress management techniques are meant to engage stress. They are meant to meet it half way, and not allow it to score over you. Remember, when you begin to understand and analyze the cause of your stress, half of it vanishes into thin air.

It is so because the stress in itself does not have any independent existence. It is the condition of the mind.

Howsoever powerful may the waves in the ocean be, the real nature of the waves is water! Similarly, howsoever intense may be your suffering, howsoever strong may be the agitation, the real nature of the mind is peace and bliss. When you commence your efforts to achieve it, it has no other option but to co-operate with you.

You have peace and happiness in your pocket. Why do you search for it elsewhere?

Some of the stress management techniques, from the secular point of view are:

1. Do the type of activity that will de-stress you. Walk in the garden on the green carpet, surrounded by bushes and trees.

2. Eat the type of food that you like the most; if you are an expert at it, prepare it yourself.

3. If possible, summon a friend, and take a long walk with him.

4. Identify the negativities in your mind, and try to remove them one-by-one. Do not try for total reformation, all of sudden. Slow and steady wins the race.

A person who is not appreciated at work is likely to develop an inferiority complex. It should not be so, because the man who does not appreciate his work, might be transferred soon, and the new incumbent in his place, might be an expert in human relations management. He may have great fascination for your style of work. When the cause for your stress has disappeared, where is the stress?

Do not compare yourself with anybody. There are always better off and worse off persons than you. When you know yourself, you forget all other issues that cause tribulations in your mind.

Always enjoy your job. Let your place of work be the happiest place for you. Always remember to work for the cause and never for a career as such. Do not try to outsmart others. Do not trample any one for your success. What you do is not important. How you do it is more important! Remember these stress management techniques.

Do not always think intensely, whatever others might feel about you. The best of the people are also criticized. Let the dogs bark, the caravan must march on!

Do you use alcohol to help you feel better? Does the world look better when you’ve had a few drinks? Do you find yourself unable to communicate when sober?

If alcohol has started to become your “friend”, it may be time for you to examine how you work with your emotions. For many alcoholics, emotions are a scary thing, and you may be the sort of person who has not learned to deal with them (or perhaps, as a child, been taught to suppress them).

For many people with drinking problems, dealing with their emotions is a far greater fear and challenge than dealing with the alcohol addiction.

If you want to learn how to stop drinking alcohol, you will need to learn to deal with your own emotions. People tend to learn that emotions are not under their control, and that belief becomes true – not because it must be so, but because it’s believed.

Amazingly, with a little training and some persistent practice, it is possible to learn to take hold of your own emotions and state of mind. Some people who have practiced for long enough now “design” their states of mind, which means that they can be comfortable and happy in any situation (barring extremes such as death).

Designing your own state of mind must start, initially, with the realization that it is possible. A woman once said about one of these people, “But can he really be so happy all of the time? No, of course not.” That woman had the belief that it was impossible, and so she will continue for the rest of her life feeling feelings that seem to be outside of her control. She cannot control what makes her happy or sad, and so her life is just “luck”.

Once you have realized, the next step is to find out how. It is a process of growth, but the good news is that the first steps can be learned quickly. Those first steps, which can be learned with the help of mind specialists such as hypnotherapists, experts in NLP (neurolinguistic programming) and similar, allow you to take control.

After that, it is just practice and persistence. That doesn’t mean, of course, that you should stop learning – far from it. Once you have learned to take control, continued learning means that you can start to learn to design your states of mind.

The ultimate (and it’s easier than it sounds) is, in any situation, to ask yourself, “What state of mind would serve me and the people around me best?” Then, in just seconds, create that state of mind. For example, I used to panic in emergencies. That didn’t help anyone. Now, no matter what the emergency (and I’ve dealt with a few), I keep a cool head with clear thinking powers. That serves both me and the people suffering in the emergency.

How soon will you start to learn?