I was in the middle of lunch when the email came through.

Julie had some news she was absolutely bursting to share.

She’d just had one of those moments of excitement where everything made sense and she wanted to share it.

‘You know Neil,’ she said, ‘I thought you were joking. Here I was in debt, trying to work around kids, and to be honest struggling because I felt like a hypocrite – I mean, whose going to come to a stressed holistic therapist for relaxation!’

It was a few minutes later, as I returned to my salad, that I actually got the power my work had on her.

Because later in that email she said, ‘Suddenly things you told me about clicked into place – about time you’re probably thinking! I mean it is a few weeks since we last spoke!’

Julie went on, ‘When I got things straight in my head, I began to do things differently and suddenly the debts are reducing, the kids are playing nicely and five new clients have found me.’

Julie agreed that I could share her personal story with you, because she felt – and I agree with her – that maybe you or some people you know will find inspiration from it.

Personally, I’m always moved by people overcoming the odds whether that’s: how a woman from Rwanda escaped, learned English and wrote a book that told her story; or an ordinary woman from the Midlands mastered some fundamentals.

You see, a lot of people relate to Julie: an “ordinary” mum of two while struggling to balance the kids, self-emplyment and cash flow.

But she changed it all around.

With Julie we’re talking big picture, life changes. But last night I had to practice what I preach to improve my own state of mind. Because to be honest, at 7.30pm it wasn’t looking good.

You see, I’d had a busy day of meetings and when I got home I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was tired and I’m sorry to say, I was a bit grumpy. The TV was on and it would have been easy to just accept it’s programming and sleep with my eyes open for a few hours.

But I thought to myself, ‘No, I am really alive and my brain does work and there must therefore be something better than this to do.’

So I sat back and had a fantasy about what would be better than staring at the TV. I played out the fantasies in my mind and began to feel more energized and happier. I then did some gentle exercise and took a bath.

Come 9pm, having spent almost 90 minutes caring and nurturing me, I had a buzz again (which I doubt TV would have given me – unless I put my fingers in the back of it! 😉 .

With Julie it was more of a ‘holistic-overhaul’ than a one day choice.

What I worked on her with Julie was her goals, then we worked on her awareness of what was in the way of their achievement.

Julie is just one example of a process that works like a dream.

With love and good wishes
Neil

One of the best ways to gain clarity about your life is by journaling your thoughts and feelings. Especially if you’re feeling conflicted or confused about certain situations, writing your thoughts out can be incredibly enlightening!

You don’t have to be a “writer” to journal effectively. In fact, your writing skills don’t have to be good at all. Just the act of putting your thoughts into logical order and translating them to written form can help you to understand what you’re feeling, and why.

Here are some tips to help you use journaling for personal growth:

1) Keep it simple. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on a fancy journal. In fact, unless you’re an experienced journaler, I recommend using an inexpensive, lined notebook. Then you won’t feel so much pressure to be “perfect” in what you write. You won’t be afraid to scribble and scrawl whatever happens to flow onto the paper.

2) Don’t hold back. When you journal for the purposes of personal growth, don’t try to edit yourself, or make your writing understandable to anyone else. The most freeing technique is to put your pen to paper and just write whatever comes to mind. No one else will see it unless you want them to, so let ‘er rip!

3) Focus on the feelings. If you find yourself stumped about what to write in your journal, begin with the phrase, “I feel…”. This will usually get your thoughts and feelings flowing, and you will be better able to express them in writing.

4) Guided journaling. Another helpful technique is guided journaling, which means providing a prompt for yourself. Especially if you’re struggling with something specific, you can more easily get the words flowing with a nudge in the right direction. Some example prompts would be, “Describe your perfect career and the reasons it would fulfill you.” Or, “Think about the most painful experience in your past and write about the ways it has affected who you are today.”

5) Review your entries periodically. Going back to look at your journal entries can be very illuminating and provide amazing clarity about yourself. With time and practice, you will likely begin to see patterns in your thinking, behaviors, and beliefs. The most important thing is to keep an objective mindset while you look at your entries. Don’t judge or belittle yourself. Keep the focus on personal growth and development. Instead of beating yourself up or cringing over your latest rant, ask yourself, “How can I use this knowledge to improve my circumstances now?”

If you’re not a natural writer, journaling may seem like a lot of effort at first. But it is so worth it! Because I am a writer, journaling is something I’ve always done. As a child, I kept written diaries that focused more on my day to day experiences. “Dear Diary, today a cute boy smiled at me and I melted!” In my twenties, I decided I wanted to understand myself better, so I began keeping written journals with a focus on self-discovery. That practice has paid off in amazing ways over the past decade or so.

You can also keep journals for other reasons besides personal growth. For example, you can begin a gratitude journal to jot down a few things you are thankful for each day, which will help you to feel more positive about your life. You can keep a spiritual growth journal to record prayers and meditations that were effective for you. You can keep a dream journal to learn more about the messages your dreams hold. The possibilities are endless!

If you really don’t like writing with pen and paper, you can also keep an online journal in the form of a blog. There are many providers that offer free membership accounts, with easy-to-use interfaces. Two popular choices are http://Blogger.com and http://LiveJournal.com. However, if you keep an online journal, you might want to make it private so no one else can view it. It’s amazing what search engines can find nowadays, and you don’t want your neighbor or employer coming across your private thoughts. Most blog hosts allow an option to keep your blog non-viewable to the public. Or you can simply stay anonymous with your blog, but allow others to read it. Use a pseudonym and don’t give any identifiable information about yourself.

Finally, don’t feel that you have to follow any set rules with your journaling. Do what works best for you, and enjoy the journey! 🙂

Dear Jane,

How can I let go of resentment towards my mother for being thin and lose weight myself?

I wanted to answer this question because, even if weight is not everyone’s issue, resentment and jealousy torture most of us at one time or another.

Jealousy is an indicator that we believe someone else has something that we cannot attain. We may experience jealousy about someone’s looks, their financial status, their popularity/success, or their personal life. But it all comes down to the belief that we can’t have what they have.

Why would we believe this unless we didn’t think we were equally deserving? So jealousy helps us recognize that we are feeling unworthy in some way. And unworthiness is the bottom line issue for almost all of us. The good news is that it’s curable.

To heal it, we have to change the question from, “How do I get what so-and-so has?” to “How do I get that I am worthy?” What I talk about in my book, Enough Is Enough!, is that we won’t necessarily wake up one morning with a belief in our own worthiness. Like any other belief, it takes repetition and practice to “get it.”

So how do you let go of resentment towards your mother for being thin and lose weight yourself? How do you get that you are worthy of having the body you desire?

Before eating or before opportunities to exercise, you ask what I believe is the most healing question you can pose:

“If I knew my worthiness in this moment, what would I do?”

Whether we want to lose weight or experience more love, success, or happiness, I recommend asking yourself this question at least ten times a day every day. You will find that as your sense of self-worth grows, you will suffer less from jealousy and resentment.