It was many years ago. The boy was not more than ten years old as he stood beside the man that early morning. They were both standing on the shore of the Atlantic looking east toward the rising sun. The chill morning air caused a slight shiver to run through the boy. The man, seeming to know without even looking, took off his jacket and draped it over the small shoulders of his son. They walked up to the water’s edge as the man spoke: “You see that wide expanse of water? It is made of billions of gallons, and each gallon is made of tens of thousands of drops.”

The little boy seemed curious. “And what are the drops made of?” he asked.

With a smile, the man replied: “The drops are made of smaller and smaller drops, and each in turn is made of bits and pieces of things that make the very world we live in.”

“What am I made of, Dad?” the boy asked after a short while. “Am I made of the same stuff as the ocean?”

The father smiled as he replied: “Everything is made of everything else, and everything is a part of other things. As you stand here this morning, you are a part of this land, this shore, this ocean. Look at that tree, the sky. They are parts of the very me and the eternal “I”. There is a force that keeps us together. Some call that force God, others, Allah, Jehovah, or Jove. There are a thousand names for this force, but it doesn’t matter what it’s called. It just is. As you grow older and wiser, you will find the stirring of this mighty force within you. You will know that it’s always there, and that you’re safe and happy within it.”

The boy, with a puzzled expression, looked at his father and asked: “How can this force, this God, be within me and at the same time be in everything else I see?”

“Because,” the man replied, “God is in everything and everyone. God is in you and in me, in those gulls you see over there, in the sand under our feet and the lilies of the field. God is everywhere and everything, and there cannot be two everything. God is a part of you just like the drop of water is a part of this ocean. Remember this well and you will grow up to have a sense of peace, joy and understanding.”

Decades have passed since I stood on that shore with my father. I have since traveled to many countries, lived in various cultures, and experienced deep sorrow and great joy. I have seen the best and the worst of my fellow human beings, Yet, through it all, I could hear the voice of my father telling me: “God is everywhere and everything, and there cannot be two everything.”

As a young boy, I grew up in a small village of Hindus, Christians, Moslems and others. I learned at a very early age that all people are shipmates on the common voyage of life and that one cannot sink one’s shipmates without sinking oneself. As I studied the Vedic writings and compared them with the words of the Hebrew prophets and the teachings of the New Testament Apostles, I found that the common thread running through them all was love. The greatest commandment ever given was “Love your God and love one another” – all others are simply variations on that theme.

There’s a psychological technique called gaslighting which is incredibly potent especially in persuasive situations.

A few nights ago I was watching TV, just flipping around aimlessly, and came upon an old episode of M*A*S*H. In this episode, BJ is bored and to entertain himself he cooks up a plan for amusement at Winchester’s expense.

BJ takes a pair of Winchester’s pants and in their place replaces them with a pair two sizes too large. When Winchester eventually puts the pants on, BJ asks if Winchester is okay. He mentions that he’s noticed him looking a little under the weather and suggests that he maybe has a virus because he’s looking too thin.

Later, BJ replaces the pants that are too large, with a pair that are way too small. When Winchester changes again, BJ casually notices how heavy Winchester has become, which has a dramatic effect on Winchester, prompting him to go on a crash diet.

Hawkeye, having observed the interactions, asks BJ, “What’s next?”

“Tomorrow he gets taller,” BJ responds.

This illustrates the very essence of gaslighting. In this instance, gaslighting is a harmless prank. Gaslighting also has the potential to be quite dangerous and cruel when used with malice. So why am I writing about it? So that you might protect yourself from it should someone try to use it against you.

With all of the persuasion techniques I teach, know that they are incredibly powerful tools and when used without integrity will get you nowhere fast. They should always be used ethically and with integrity.

The term gaslighting came from the 1944 film of the same name and came to be defined as the ruthless manipulation of a person into believing something that isn’t true.

In ‘Gaslighting’ the husband tries to convince his wife that she’s insane so that she’ll have to be institutionalized, thus getting her out of his way. His subtle manipulations cause her to doubt her own grasp on reality.

Using gaslighting in a way that is not unethical could include understanding how your affluent prospect interprets their own reality.

The technique of gaslighting has five main strategies.

The first strategy involves repeatedly questioning a person thus planting doubt.

If you watch game shows, you’ll notice that they use this to raise the level of tension and oftentimes this results in the contestant doubting their decision. “Are you sure? Is this really your final answer?”

This can be accomplished without even speaking. Picture someone cocking their head, raising their eyebrow. This can install in the receiver that doubt putting them off guard.

It works all the better if you come off as having their best interest in mind.

The second strategy is to point out things that simply aren’t there.

This is useful in undermining their feeling of reality. It can also be used in pointing out assets and qualities in a person who has no idea that they have these assets and qualities (whether or not they actually do).

For example, appealing to your boss’, client’s, prospect’s or authority figure’s sense of vanity or ego can work tremendously.

If the ego massage is completely without merit and the compliments are baseless, then you’ll most likely be discovered. Use subtlety with tiny portions of reality.

Strategy number three is primarily for the use of experts–someone who has specialized knowledge or divine access to information which you haven’t the ‘connections’ to learn. . .i.e. think therapist, minister, psychics. They have very esoteric, mysterious or specialized knowledge that will give you the answer you seek. Rather, the answer that they wish for you to believe you seek.

This will cause lowered defenses and a more trusting feeling from the client.

Strategy number four is to reveal the secret thoughts of others.

This is also known as gossip. It’s a special kind of gossip which maneuvers in an attempt to give insight. It’s just between ‘us’, it’s from me, someone who cares enough to tell you what other people are saying. . .

This can be used with ‘nice gossip’ i.e. compliments about that person that you weren’t supposed to share. It can install positive behavior.

And last, but not least, the final strategy is to use the power of the many against the tiny power of one.

You’ll see this used by children, politicians, in religion, through the media, by the military, and throughout society.

Orwell called it ‘group think’ and as the corporations gain more and more control over the distribution of information, it becomes harder and harder to find accurate information, and even harder to stand away from the crowd, especially when you’re right.

It’s powerful to have ‘the many’ on your side, and very difficult to maintain your position when you’re up against the many.

Gaslighting isn’t nice. It’s designed to trick people into self-doubt. And yet, there are positive ways it can be used.

Bet you were hoping that I was going to offer some magic pill that you could take to make it all better, well sorry, it doesn’t work like that. The thing is, there is nothing that can stop you from suffering from depression, except you. You might not like this much, but it’s the truth, and that’s why I’m going to tell it to you anyway.

Your depression isn’t caused by the partner you have or the one you don’t have or the one that left you. It isn’t your job or your kids or the way you were bought up. It isn’t caused by your abuse or your dysfunctional family or your weight. None of these are the cause of your depression. You are. Think about it, throughout your depression, what has been the one constant, remaining factor? You.

Have you ever caught a cold? I’m sure you have. Colds are picked up from outside of us, we inhale them, ingest them, then they grow and make us feel like crap. But you don’t get depression in this way. Depression isn’t something you get, it’s something you do, it’s a process. That tells you can, if you know how to, choose not to do it. Yes it’s a choice. Sorry to all of you who were hoping that the answer would come from somewhere, a packet of pills or a doctor or a counsellor, it won’t. It won’t because you already have it, you already the expertise to cure yourself. You just have to know how to use it. And no amount of drugs, or talking about your “problems” are going to help you find it. You need re educating, you need to learn another way.

Yes it’s a choice, I know you’re questioning that part, thinking “well I obviously wouldn’t choose to feel like this.” Here’s the thing, you’ve done it so much, you’ve got good at it. Congratulations, you’ve become a master at depressing yourself. You’re hard wired to go there now, it’s automatic, like a habit, it’s almost as if you have no control over it at all. But you can and you will.

I know you’ve tried to change, you tried to fight it, using all of your will power. But making changes to the unconscious using will power is not at all easy, it’s a battle. However, making changes to the unconscious is in fact easy, when you know how to do it, or when you meet someone who’s good enough to do it for you.

If you are absolutely committed to changing, I mean totally committed, you can change so quickly. You can change in a day. I promise you, it’s true, I’ve seen it happen, I’ve experienced it myself. It wasn’t cheap and it wasn’t all that easy, but if you pay cheap you pay twice, if it’s as easy to do, it’s easy to forget. If you want to change and you are absolutely committed to doing it, you can do it, you can change in a day.

I don’t know what you want from life, I don’t know how your life will be different when you’ve stopped depressing yourself, but I can tell you that it will be completely worth the investment. How much money do you waste each year on warranties, that cost as much as the product you’ve bought, or paying fees that could have been avoided, or putting your money in the wrong savings account, or taking a holiday that you didn’t enjoy? When would now be a good time to invest in yourself? Invest into who you are as a person so that you can grow and feel good about being the worthwhile person that you truly are?

Everybody has experienced the loss of someone or something that they care for, and for me, this highlights the necessity for us to live our lives to the full, to live happy and free. For every person that ever told you that you’re not worth it, I’m here to tell you now that you are, to tell you that you can be and will be wonderfully happy and free, so what’s the one thing you need to commit to doing for yourself to let yourself know you are worth it, you are worth ever penny of that change.

Someone once told me that success is the greatest form of revenge. Now I’m not saying that you have anything to prove to anyone, but when you change, when you do it for yourself in this way, you will surprise a lot of people who expected little else from you, and that’s a really great feeling.

You can change in a day, make a turning point.