Why People Are Afraid To Take Risks & Leave Their Comfort Zones

When we consider actually moving toward our heart’s desire, a part of us automatically looks ahead to the possible consequences – especially the negative ones. Our “comfort zone” glooms onto these negative consequences. The comfort zone argues it’s the actions that will bring on the negative consequences.

The comfort zone’s emotionally backed recommendation: No Action

The comfort zone stays fairly quiet as long as we don’t seriously contemplate action. We can want our dream all we want; we can think about someday getting it as much as we like; we can tell everyone we know how we’re one day going to have it at every opportunity. We can even make commitments we don’t really plan to keep. The only thing we can’t do is DO IT!

If we begin to do it, the comfort zone goes into overdrive – hyperdrive, actually – and gets us back on track. “On track” to the comfort zone is what we’ve always done before, which means heading (again) toward B, even though our dream rests with A. Why are the consequences of action so uncomfortable? Let’s take a look:

1. When we choose, we must let other choices go. For example, if we have enough money for one popsicle, and we choose cherry, we must let go of grape, orange, tangerine, banana supreme, watermelon, and passion fruit. Naturally, we don’t want to let go of all of those other flavors that we love. All that loss! We’re miserable. We should have stayed at home. No, the storekeeper won’t let us have a bite of each. No, there’s no credit. We keep picking up and setting down one flavor after another, feeling rotten, until we get frostbite. When we make our big choice and go for the Big Dream, it means letting go of all the other Big Dreams, even though those dreams may be as appealing as grape, orange, tangerine, banana supreme, watermelon, and passion fruit. If we make no choice, we end up with nothing.

2. When we choose, we risk losing. If we boldly walk into the store and say, “I want a cherry popsicle,” we run the risk of the storekeeper saying, “We’re all out,” or, even worse, “We sold the last one five minutes ago. You just missed it.” (Why do people say things like that? Why do they add torture to torment? We don’t know why, but they do.)

If we commit to the one Big Dream, we might not get it. We might lose. And not only will we know, but everyone else will know, too. It’s the “agony of defeat.” Ugh! How horrible. When we never really choose – never really commit – if we don’t get it, we can always say, “Oh, I didn’t really want it anyway.”

3. When we choose, we risk winning. We stride in! We put down our money! We get the cherry popsicle! We claim it! It is in our hand! It is ours! The store- keeper says, “Congratulations!” Now what?

It’s the big “Now-What?” that many people find more intimidating than “the agony of defeat.” Defeat is part of most people’s comfort zone. But winning? “What would I do? What would happen to me? How would I cope?” It’s called the fear of success. Not only do we have to make changes to become successful, but success itself brings additional changes. The greater the success, the greater the changes.

On occasion, I like to bring up ideas, exercises and concepts that some would consider to be a little woo woo, esoteric, or downright crazy. When I do this, I simply ask for your indulgence and suggest that even if something is unusual, it has potential to work wonders and give value.

First a couple of questions: when you are dealing with another person–a client, a prospect, a child, a spouse, a romantic interest–how receptive are you to their energy? And how willing are you to imagine yourself becoming of one mind with that person?

I’ve suggested several other exercises over the months with articles on ‘vibration’ and surrounding ourselves with pink bubbles’ and I’d like to revisit the idea of energy here.

Energy is all about the language of the unconscious mind and the interconnectedness of all life. This is an interconnectedness with each other and with the divine (whether that be God or Buddha or whomever you worship).

Recently on one of my private one-on-one coaching calls, a very insightful student/client of mine brought up this concept. It started me thinking about how this is exactly the kind of thing that enhances persuasion immeasurably. I realize there’s a fine line of what will pull people in and what will repel them or scare them off. And I completely understand the hesitation. My request: push past this hesitation and receive this information in the spirit that I am giving it: This is a means to advance persuasion skills incredibly.

My student described a metaphorical vehicle which he uses in ‘meditation’. It’s a golden orb, an egg-like structure, which he imagines over his head as a source of divine energy. This golden orb flows down through him, to his heart and pours out into the individual with whom he is connecting.

When he described this, it struck me as a beautiful way of interacting and it presupposes an intention of doing the highest good, working with the greatest amount of integrity for the benefit and happiness of everyone involved.

All of this is the language of the unconscious. This is exactly the kind of thing that I think is perfect for what needs to be done.

There is an immense value in this sort of exercise for us as persuaders. You are not asking the other person to change or interfering with their will, but you are changing your response to what is going on. As a result, your prospect, friend, child, romantic interest, business associate, boss, employee. . . whomever, will most likely follow and you will find yourself having a greater capability with them.

In doing this, you have expanded the persuasion field, your frame around your self, giving you greater reach and a wider field of vision.

Keep this in mind at all times. . . so much of what persuasion is originates and emanates from us. It is controlled by us more so than most people would believe because most persuaders think that the control lies with the person we’re persuading and it really is more within us than anything.

All of the exercises I’ve written about, from the unconscious hello, to surrounding ourselves with pink bubbles, to the way we set our intention, to the power of vibrations, to this golden orb. . . all of them point to the fact that persuasion is under our control. One more time: Persuasion is under our control.

A woman I know, an extremely spiritual person, recently shared with me the following: ‘I used to have unfortunate beliefs about myself and I received back from external influences unfortunate results. When I decided to take control and raise my resonance, to be the change I wanted to become, to allow abundance and love come flow through me, absolutely everything fell into place. I am now living a life of leisure with a beautiful husband and I can draw what I want into my universe at will.’

What does it take to be magnetic? Can we really draw money, love or health simply by telling ourselves we are magnets for what we want?

It’s easier than you think. It simply takes a shift in perception.

We choose what we focus on in life. We choose to be miserable when it rains and happy when it’s sunny. Or we can appreciate the downpour as an opportunity to take care of indoor activities or to go splashing through puddles.

By putting our focus on good, we draw good to us. Conversely, by focusing on grief, we draw more to grieve. There’s absolutely a place for grief in our lives, I’m not suggesting otherwise, but we need to be mindful that we are not suffering over our own suffering and not continually drawing grief to us.

I overheard a girl in a caf telling her friend, ‘I’m a total freak magnet. I can’t leave my apartment without running into someone either clinically insane or whacked out on drugs or fanatical about some weirdness who wants to have extensive interaction with me.’

Her friend responded, ‘That’s strange. Your neighborhood is really nice. I can’t imagine there would be too many freaks around there.’

She responded, ‘I can’t figure it out. The freaks find me wherever I am. They just seem to be waiting for me to leave the apartment so they can scream in my face or get me to join their cult.’

What an awful thing for this girl, I thought to myself, to believe that she is a magnet for freaks, that no matter where she goes, she’s going to draw to her the lowest common denominator.

This is really how attraction works. What you think about yourself, you are. What you believe about the world, is your reality. What you speak, is your truth.

I was so tempted. . . I wanted to tell her, ‘You’re programming yourself to be a freak magnet. You could just as easily be a money magnet, or a parking space magnet. . .’ but I realized that my intrusion would only further her self-diagnosis. She’d completely misinterpret my attempt at kindness as just another freak, as in, ‘You wouldn’t believe the freak that came up to me in the cafe. . . He seemed normal, but. . . ‘

So whatever your beliefs are about the world, I implore you, take this freak’s advice and adjust it to bring you all that you ever wanted and not the lowest common denominator.