If you are on a path of purposeful personal growth, you will have to learn how to forgive yourself to see progress.

Now, before you start balking at the idea, let me give you an example.

Remember when you learned to ride a bicycle? I’m pretty sure you didn’t just hop on and ride away into the sunset. Instead, you fell off, probably several times until you learned how to balance and push the pedals at the same time. Once you mastered balance, you may have had to perfect your steering so you could turn corners or turn around without crashing.

Granted, most people would not consider forgiveness a requirement for learning how to ride a bicycle, but it is there, nonetheless. What would have happened if the first time you fell of the bicycle, you labeled yourself “an uncoordinated loser” and never tried again? Ridiculous, I know. But, you didn’t do that, and the reason is you forgave yourself the mistake and got back up and tried again.

It seems to be more of a given when learning a new skill that we’re not going to get it right the first time. We know we will make mistakes. So, why are we so much more willing to forgive our mistakes in learning new skills like bike riding, than in learning a new skill in creating and living a happy life?

Most of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others, and we tend to hold grudges with ourselves for much longer, as well. But how are you supposed to learn if you don’t allow yourself the room to make mistakes along the way? If you forgive yourself for not being perfect from the start, for not getting it right the first time, you allow yourself to try again and make progress. If you don’t forgive yourself the mistakes you make along the way, you stunt your growth and remain stuck where you are.

Everyone makes mistakes. We’re human. It happens. Holding yourself and your growth hostage by not forgiving yourself your mistakes serves no useful purpose. You certainly don’t benefit, and neither does anyone else. So if you want growth, learn to forgive yourself.

Forgiveness is difficult for many people because, too often, we think to forgive is also to condone, to say, “Oh, that’s ok.” We put up barriers to forgiving others because of this notion. Many times, in fact, most times what needs to be forgiven is NOT ok. It was not ok to have happened, it is not ok to do again — it’s just simply NOT ok. So, unless the offender asks for forgiveness with sincerity and remorse (and sometimes even when they do,) we often find it difficult to forgive.

If you look up the word ‘forgive’ in the dictionary, one of the definitions you’ll find is: to cease to feel resentment against. Forgiving, ceasing to feel resentment against, someone or something benefits who? You. Forgiving benefits YOU.

Forgiving, ceasing to feel resentment against,that’s all about you, not them. Granted, they might also benefit if you no longer feel resentment toward them, but the change occurs within YOU when you forgive another, not the reverse. The decision to forgive is yours. The act of forgiving is an act YOU undertake, and the feelings changing as a result are yours, as well.

For a very long time, I was unwilling to forgive certain people in my life. I held close the feelings of anger and resentment over how they had betrayed me and wore them like a protective shield. I vowed no one would EVER hurt me like that again. Over time, my protective shield began to prevent me from connecting with new people, new friendships and extending my friendship to others. Ultimately, who did this hurt? Me. I had unknowingly allowed my unwillingness to forgive to control and shape my life – and not in a positive way, I might add.

Today I look at forgiveness as a way to set down the emotional baggage of past hurts and walk away stronger than before. If you think about it – how can you receive the blessings of today if your hands are holding tightly to resentments of yesterday? You can’t go back and change what happened or force the offender to make amends, but you CAN decide to live a happy life.

The person I’m forgiving may or may not even know of my forgiveness – that is not the point. I am the one miserable with my negative feelings and emotions – not them. They may or may not even know I’m harboring resentments. Meanwhile, I’m seething and miserable. By forgiving, I set myself free.

If the whole idea of forgiving feels beyond you at the moment, either because you are still too angry and upset (and likely wanting your pound of flesh) or because forgiving still feels to you like you’re saying, “Oh, it’s ok…” then try replacing the word ‘forgive’ with the words ‘cease to feel resentment against’ and see if that makes a difference for you. “I cease to feel resentment against you for what you did,” might be a more empowering way for you to say, “I forgive you for what you did.”

Foreplay is an important and crucial part of the whole lovemaking process. It is simply defined as everything you do that comes before actual intercourse. A couple needs foreplay to spice up their sex life, get fully aroused, and heighten pleasure.

Men are from Mars:
Sometimes men need prolonged foreplay to get an erection. Foreplay for men is relatively simple and easy. The direct touching of the genitals usually does the trick. But for those women, who want to tantalize their men into submission remember these five foreplay-for-him maneuvers.

1. Visuals play a vital role, so a sexy clothe would be a nice touch but giving him an unadulterated view of your body will be the hottest gift. Reinforce this view with some steamy moves guaranteed to thrill, like giving him a strip tease.

2. Let your parted lips roam his body, like his stomach or chest, then slowly exhale. The rush of hot air will change the temperature in his skin and heighten his arousal.

3. Seize control and show your animal instinct. You’ll be surprise to know that men crave seduction as much as a woman and being aggressive is a sign of lust and that you?re as into it as he is.

4. Excite them with touch. Guys are especially touchy when they are between the sheets. Giving him butt massages and long but gentle scratches up and down their back will turn your man right on.

5. Do what ever it is you are doing to bring him to the brink. Then ease up, not necessarily stopping, but put off the good thing for a while. Do this a few times until he screams “enough already.”

Women are from Venus:
Women need foreplay to become properly lubricated. For women foreplay is a bit more complicated. Direct genital touching is the last place you should go, consider every where else on her body as a good place to touch, massage and kiss before you go there. Letting her know that she is wanted for more than sex, that she is cared about as a woman, is what really turns her on. Here is a five step plan to help her get ready.

1. Nothing is more important to a woman than knowing that you have a connection. It can be as simple as telling her that you were thinking about her, and missed her, nothing over-the-top, just honest and caring conversation.

2. Remember that being intimate does not have to mean being sexual. Once in a while ask her probing questions and give her more than one-word replies when she asks you the same. Confide in her, and let her know that you appreciate her listening.

3. Establish physical contact without being sexual, like holding her hand, giving her massages, do anything to simply make contact without mauling her.

4. Kissing, for women, is an incredible turn on. You have to remember that women sees kissing as another form of emotional intimacy so do not go to a lot of tongue action right away. It will be good to start with a brief caressing of lips and pay attention to whether or not she’s digging it. If she is, continue from there with a bit more passion but always be aware of whether she is reciprocating. A great trick is to imitate her kissing style, as it’s surely a sign of what she likes!

5. Remember that from kissing her until the “heavy petting” stage, there should be some interval in between. The duration of the kiss will depend on how hot and bothered you both get. The longer and slower you kiss her, the more experienced you’ll seem, and the she’ll be excited.

There is no time limit on foreplay, usually the longer it takes the more sensitized your skin becomes and sends your senses to haywire that leads to explosive orgasm. The key is to start intercourse when you are both fully aroused and having a hard time controlling your desires.
Remember that initiating sex, breaking routine, exploration, new places, new positions, and letting her know that she is wanted sexually is what turns her on.