When our self esteem is low, we tend to have the habit of picking at ourselves. Little self criticisms enter our thoughts constantly, and a lot of the time we do not even realize we are doing it! We just feel crumby. It is simply a bad habit to pick at your self, but since that makes us feel sad and incompetent it limits us from doing all we can in life. When we notice we are doing self criticizing, we can argue with the criticism and that helps. But if each evening we just think of three things we can feel good about ourselves, that would go a long way to building a more positive habit of looking at ourselves in terms of the good, rather than the bad and help us in life.

We deserve to have better self esteem. And the stronger we are, the more we can help others and want to help others, so we should never feel guilty about feeling good about ourselves. It is not selfish. There is a big difference between healthy self esteem and being egotistical or insensitive to others. The egoist usually does not feel good about themselves. Their big words about themselves is a cover up how small they feel. Self esteem is often quiet. Some person with good self esteem is not threatened by others criticizing them. With healthy self esteem they can laugh at their own mistakes, rather than having mistakes make them unhappy and sad.

So at the end of each day, write in a journal or an online blog at least three things that either you did today or ways that you are, that are things that you can feel good about or proud of. Maybe you were kind to someone or did a task very well, or resisted a temptation, or just simply did your best and tried, even if things did not turn out well. What kinds of things do you admire in other people? Did you do any of those things today? What qualities did you admire in your parents? Do you take after them in any of those ways? Are there other ways you chose consciously not to be like? Have you avoided addictions or crime? We already have many qualities we take for granted. Perhaps you received a compliment or two today, or a thank you note, and those are also good things to note. Do remember all these things in your daily life.

Write three things a night for a week to start and then try to make it a whole month slowly and slowly. Every person has value, every single day. You especially need to write three things on those days when you feel less good about yourself, but if you miss a night, just start again the next night. In a month you will have a little collection. It can be a good thing to re-read when you are feeling low. And will feel a noticeable difference as you go through your day.

To further illustrate the persuasive power of framing, I’ve chosen a few pretty hot topics. I’m hoping to stir us all up a little.

Everybody knows about the world’s ‘oldest profession’ and whether you’re an opponent or proponent, it’s not going anywhere. Prostitution is illegal in most of the U.S. and unfortunately is connected to drugs and violence, disease and abuse. That’s one frame. We can all agree on that, can’t we? But how about a different frame? An acquaintance and former student of mine sent me the following link in an e-mail. He wrote, ‘Check out this frame.’ His link connected me to the International Committee for Prostitute’s Rights. http://www.walnet.org/csis/groups/icpr_charter.html

Upon further research, I found another organization called C.O.Y.O.T.E. The letters stand for call off your old tired ethics. They bill themselves as a sex worker’s rights organization. Old frame: prostitutes. New frame: sex workers.

There’s a pretty strong movement in the U.S. and all over Europe, to decriminalize prostitution and ensure rights and protection to the people working in the industry. To me, that’s a new frame. I had never heard of such a thing and it really struck me as interesting.

Proponents of this frame differentiate between the prostitutes who are being victimized and the sex workers who feel empowered in the industry. The issue is certainly complex with the emotional fire that politics and sexuality can inspire.

Another part of the frame is that sex work is an important part of the economy. Legalizing it, as it is in Nevada and in other countries, shows how some of the dangers associated with the industry can be lessened through regulation. For example, if there are no pimps, the violence is cut down. With mandatory medical checkups and regulated practices, the health and medical dangers are nearly eliminated.

The issue of sex for money has been taken out of the frame of morality (which has been the strongest frame by far) and put it in the frame of being an important part of the economy. If you look at the argument for legalizing drugs, it’s very similar.

The idea of ‘victimless crimes’ is an appealing frame to me in that the amount of money spent each year on imprisoning pot growers/users and sex workers, is staggering. I am not advocating to ‘legalize it’ though I am intrigued to know that there are intelligent opponents to the cultural norm.

However, this is simply an exercise in framing and as with any frame, whoever has the stronger one, wins.

What’s your New Years Resolution?

– Loose Weight?
– Get in shape?
– Quit Smoking?
– Spend more time with the family?
– Get your finances in order?
– Get a better job?

Whatever it is, you can make it happen. All you need is a plan. You need to identify your goals, create your plan and execute it.

Identify Your Goals

What are your goals? You should have a specific goal. If your goal is to lose weight, do you have a specific number in mind? Do you want to loose 10 pounds? 20 pounds? Or do you want to fit into size eight clothes? If you want to spend more time with family, what would that look like? “Date Night” every week? Lunch with Mom once a month?

Identify what your goals are and write them down. Be as specific as possible; what is your goal and when are you going to achieve it (set a date)? Make sure your goals are reasonable and achievable. There is no use in setting goals that you know you will not follow through on.

Create A Plan

How are you going to accomplish your goal? What are you going to do and when?

Your plan should include specific benchmarks so that you can measure progress and stay on track. Just like your overall goal, your benchmarks should be measurable and realistic. Are you going to lose five pounds/month? Get to the gym three days a week?

Start with small steps that you can easily accomplish. As you accomplish your early goals, the momentum will build so that it is easier to complete tougher steps late on. As you complete each step, acknowledge your progress and reward yourself with something that isn’t going to detract from your overall goals. If your goal is to lose weight, don’t reward yourself with a candy bar for losing five pounds. Treat yourself to a movie or a new pair of shoes instead. If you don’t succeed in completing one of these steps, don’t give up; stay flexible and committed to achieving your ultimate goal.

How are you going to achieve your goals? Are you going to join a gym or build one in your home with a Bowflex system? Start a Weight loss program like Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem? Identify all of the support systems that you will need.

Execute Your Plan

Start NOW! Don’t procrastinate.

Get others involved. If you want to lose weight, find a work-out buddy or go start hiking with a friend. You will have someone to keep you motivated and you will enjoy spending the time together. Or have someone hold you accountable. If your friends know you are trying to lose weight, they help you to eat healthier with a little encouragement, or they may just give you the evil eye the next time try and order that burger instead of a salad.

Just telling someone else what your goals are will also make the more real. If you just keep it to yourself, you can always change your mind and it never existed, but once someone else knows about it, it is real.

Stay positive and flexible, but keep your eye on the big picture. You set the goal, it’s your plan, your life. Keep working toward on the big picture.

Remember, having a New Year’s Resolution without having a plan to accomplish it is just making a wish.