It is easy to become addicted. We are all creatures of habit. Habits provide a sense of certainty, security and stability in our lives. When they are disrupted our sense of well being becomes easily threatened. However, when we depend upon a habit for our sense of well being, it is easy for it to develop into an addiction.

Addiction to anger is one of the most common and lethal addictions, and one most seldom recognized. The anger addict becomes hooked by the false sense of power anger brings. As the addiction grows, it consumes more and more of their lives, producing painful consequences.

The best way to undo an addiction is to look it squarely in the face, see what triggers it, how it functions become aware of the false promises it offers and the huge costs we pay. Then we replace old behaviors with new ones that are easy and enjoyable. As we dissolve an addiction we regain power back over our lives.

To begin to dissolve the addiction to anger, we will start by becoming aware. What is the source of this addiction? What function does it serve?

Functions of Addictions

When we are addicted to anything (anger, substances, relationships), many troubling aspects of life are blocked out. Our focus narrows. The addiction numbs us to painful feelings we may not wish to deal with. The addiction is serving as a defense against anxiety. It prevents us from seeing and dealing with issues, which need to be attended to.

In particular, an addiction to anger provides a sense of power. This is often a defense against feeling helpless or inadequate. Individuals become blind to the fact that as the addiction develops, they will need more and more of it to feel okay. Not only does the dosage increase, but so does the negative impact upon their lives.

Addiction provides a false sense of security. At first it makes the individual feel safe and secure. The reality, however, is that an addiction blinds an individual from doing what needs to be done to build a life of true value and stability.

Effects Of Addiction To Anger

When we are angry we often have a temporary feeling of strength, energy,power, authority or control. Much like alcohol, the surge of anger, which takes over, block out fears, inhibitions and doubts. There is a temporary sense of freedom and empowerment that we normally lack.

Anger also blocks out logical thought processes, producing a sense that we are absolutely right. Some individuals who have trouble making decisions can make them easily then. Decisions made while angry often focus only upon a limited aspect of the situation. These kinds of decisions rarely provide positive outcomes.

Anger provides a sense of justification. Many actions that might seem unacceptable when calm seem perfectly fine when we are angry. Anger also encourages us to blurt out negative thoughts and feelings we may have been holding in that might have better gone left unsaid. Of course, after the surge of anger passes, it is difficult to take these words back. Even if we apologize the after effects remain.

Dissolving The Addiction To Anger:

1)List the times in which you feel angry or upset automatically. What person, thoughts, memory or situation brings this up? For now, just notice this and write it down. As you go through the day, if another situation strikes you, step back, notice it, and write it down as well. Rather than reacting blindly, you are now taking time to become aware. Once you become fully aware of the way anger operates in your life it will not be able to sneak up from behind.

2)Find a substitute for the automatic angry reaction. Instead of reacting the same old way the next time the situation arises, stop, breathe and tell yourself, I will not be a slave to anger anymore. Stop and listen to the person and say to yourself, “This time I will let them be right. There’s plenty of time to be right later.” See how much better you feel now getting pulled down into anger.

3)Find a new way of viewing the situation. Instead of seeing them as an enemy, tell yourself that their anger is a cry for help. It comes from pain and conflict within. Instead of going on the attack, say to the person (either in your mind or out loud), “What can I do to serve you?” Not only will this diffuse the anger, but will open new doors for both of you to walk through.

If you’ve just graduated college, you’ve probably begun hiding away all those books and papers. Finally: freedom!! It’s time to get really rich and make a name for yourself. Career. That’s the real world, right?

Wrong.

Graduation is no excuse to stop the learning process. Failure to study is folly! The new information your constantly process determines your edge in life. School learning is static and often decades out of date.

Here’s how to grow your IQ by 50%- after college.

1) Keep a book handy.

Thousands are released every year. Pick two close to your passions every month. Update yourself. Build your skillset to make yourself interesting and indispensable to to your associates.

2) Maintain a “To-Learn” List

Break out of your comfort zone! It’s fine to develop your core competencies, but too much of one thing makes you a dull boy. The most dynamic thinkers and leaders maintain a list of new challenges to tackle: like learning a new language, to scaling Mount Everest. Having new goals will revitalize you!

3) Expand Your Base of Intellectual Friends

Hanging out with dullards is contagious. Notice how being around folks who spout nonesense forces you to
lower yourself to their level? Upgrade your companions and their skills, ideas and passions trickle down to you. More than reading books, I achieved mastery of everything from dancing tango to deliverying firey speeches through my associations

4) Modeling The Greats

Got a project? There’s no point re-inventing the wheel. Learn how the masters did it and build upon their methods. You’ll quickly and readily discover how to get things done fast. Then you can move on to even bigger fish.

5) Practice practice practice

You’ll never learn how to shoot a gun by reading a book. Drop that book after you get the theory down pat. Walk to your shooting range and squeeze a few shots! That’s when textbook learning leads to magnificent mastery.

6) Mentor Your Colleagues

I’ve built my negotiation skillset by passing on tips to those who blunder like bulls at boardrooms. Know what? Each time I did so, I actually found myself weaving ever more enticing spiels that led to more satisfying win-win outcomes! Teach others and you grow. Empowerment is mutual!

Women will occasionally find themselves in heated arguments. Sometimes, people’s views and opinions will come in conflict and create drama. Every now and then these conversations can lead to more difficult situations. Knowing how to be assertive in a nice way can prevent an argument from blowing up and may even help one win an argument.

Learning how to be an assertive woman consists of two things: one is the tendency towards a positive attitude, and the other is audacity. Assertiveness means that you possess a kind of boldness; the boldness to let your views and opinions be heard.

At the root of audacity is the confidence that your views and opinions are true. Having confidence in your beliefs causes you to have the boldness to disclose or pass on to others what you have to say. And, conversely, you will have the courage to defend and stand up for your views against people who may disagree of feel differently than you do.

An assertive woman’s assertiveness is also joined by a positive outlook. She speaks with an attitude that is positive despite a subject that may be about things that are negative. The reason for this is because a person who has a negative attitude runs the risk of loosing his or her composure and possibly saying things that could either be regretted later, or not support the argument’s merits. Be sure to think carefully about the words you use and don’t just ramble on. More words is not a sign of assertiveness. It will not help you win the person you are speaking with and may be considered rude.

An assertive person is not one who tries to find the balance between passivity and aggressiveness; but is a different idea all together. It simply means that when you are in an argument, that you will not be bullied to compromise your beliefs or values. It means that you will stand your ground. It is conveying every thought and every word with grace and elegance in order to expose the truth that you hold. This means there is no need to belittle or insult, but, because you have the power of truth on your side, grace, elegance, and poise are yours to wield.

Be sure you have thought through your facts. Be able to back up the things you want to say. Know in advance, if possible, the counter arguments that might come and be prepared to answer them. Look at it is from the point of view of the other person. Step into their shoes and try to understand why they are taking the position that they are. This can allow you to see flaws in the other person’s argument, or, possibly, cause you to change your own opinion if that is what the truth dictates.

Learning how to be an assertive woman is the skill of learning to convey the truth. The truth brings with it confidence. Assertive confidence has nothing to do with changing the mind of your opponent, but has everything to do with ensuring that your opinions, beliefs, and feelings are heard. This is assertiveness.