CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA:
It has been revealed by a reliable source based in the Canadian government that one, Mr Gatiepie Huntrey had applied for refugee status in Canada on the basis of being victimised by racist dogs in South Africa. His claims have been investigated and found to be true even though he had never reported any of the said incidents to the SA police, SPCA, Metro police or ANCYL.
In his affidavit before the courts he stated that he could not return to South Africa for fear of being victimised by the millions of vicious dogs roaming the streets of the towns and cities. He confirmed that while he was working as a refuse sorter and salvager he often suffered unprovoked attacks on his person by these racist dogs just because of his skin colour.
Gatiepie was adamant that the noise of his salvage vehicle and the verbal abuse hurled (with the intensity of Serena Williams abusing a linesman) at his common law wife, and the marauding dogs, did not provoke attacks of such intensity. He steadfastly denied that “jou ma se !@#!$%!#” “ was racist or against gender equality as laid down in the constitution but insisted that this was a form of greeting friends, women, enemies and dogs alike.
It was put to the court that despite Mr Huntrey’s training in the martial arts, ability to swear in several languages, dexterity in jumping over and around his vehicle, and practice in hurling any available object in the direction of wives and dogs, he was constantly assaulted.
It was further stated that he had made numerous business telephone systems calls to the president on the new presidential hot line, (where the phone rang unanswered until he ran out of airtime). His many requests for audience before His Lordship, Mr Julius Mamparra had also been turned down, based on the fact that he only had one sex organ and therefore did not qualify for assistance, a new house or even R1000.00. He had had to flee his beloved country and seek asylum in the beautiful country of Canada. He ensured the court that he would be able to ply his trade, for which he had undergone a 5 year apprenticeship, without invoking the ire of the Canadian dogs. He would be able to start a new life without his wife and 6 children who all used to feed freely from his bottle of sandwiches and steal salvaged items from him while he rested in a self induced coma.
The Canadian government were keen to welcome Mr Huntrey into their country even though one of the opposition members voiced their uncertainty on how Mr Huntrey was going to navigate the streets of the cities with his salvage vehicle in two feet of snow. Huntrey assured the member that with the correct brand of methylated spirits the vehicle could travel anywhere.
The court now awaits evidence from the opposition who is presently in South Africa on a fact finding mission at the invitation of communist leader Mr Blade Indimandy. Mr Indimandy stated that their safety could be guaranteed in his new R1.1 million car. He said that this was a new brand of communism where the select few could buy luxury vehicles while the majority starved and lived in shacks. It was called “I didn’t join the ANC to be poor communism”.
Finally, the Canadian government have requested that all Canadians congregate at the airports to welcome back any sports person or celebrity whether they are unisexual, bisexual, inter-sexual, male, female, or from same sex or mixed sex marriages. “We need to set the tone of impartiality even if it means phoning in a bogus sick report”.
BEAVER———— Canada ———— BEAVER
Gatiepie Rules 14-09-09
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