Linda sat opposite me at one of my five-day Inner Bonding Intensives. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried.

As she sat opposite me, telling me about her past and her depression, I felt like I was sitting with a person who had stuffed herself into a box and closed the door. There was a sense of emptiness and numbness that emanated from her.

“Linda,” I asked her. “When did you first feel this numbness that I feel coming from you?”

Linda started to cry. “I was 9 years old when my uncle sexually abused me. He and my aunt lived a few blocks from our house. I went to visit my aunt and she wasn’t home but my uncle was, which had never happened before. He told me not to tell anyone but I ran home and told my mom about what he had made me do to him. As traumatic as the sexual abuse was, I was equally traumatized when my mother didn’t believe me and punished me for lying. I felt so devastated and alone. Everything changed for me from that moment on. Before that, I was a happy girl who did well in school. After that, I don’t remember feeling happy and my grades kept going down.”

“Linda, there is an incredibly painful feeling that you felt when your uncle abused you and when you mother didn’t believe you and punished you. You were too young to handle this feeling so you did the best thing you could do, which was to shut down and numb out. Our language doesn’t have a good word for this feeling. The closest words we have are heartbreak and intense loneliness.”

“Yes,” said Linda. That’s the feeling. I remember how overwhelmed I felt by that feeling. I felt like if I kept feeling it I would die or go crazy, so I shut it down by numbing out.”

“Right. But now, as an adult, you can actually handle the feelings of loneliness and heartbreak, yet you are still avoiding them. By avoiding them with numbing out, you are stifling your true Self, your core Self. And so you end up depressed. We will always end up depressed when we put a lid on ourselves to avoid feelings we believe we can’t handle.”

“But I still don’t think I can handle those feelings.”

“Linda, are you willing to find out if that is true?”

“Yes.”

“Close your eyes and put your focus into your body. Imagine the 9-year old that you were. Let yourself remember that awful day and let yourself remember what you felt like being abused and then not believed and punished. Imagine that you are an adult holding yourself as a 9-year old, believing her and allowing her to cry while you comfort her. Breathe into the feelings, acknowledging the heartbreak and loneliness, bringing deep love and compassion to your 9-year old.”

Linda held a stuffed animal that represented her inner child, holding and rocking her 9-year old for about 5 minutes.

“Linda, what is happening with the feelings?”

“I am feeling much better, much lighter. I don’t have that numbness right now. And I don’t feel depressed right now!”

“So by acknowledging, embracing and moving into compassion for your feelings of heartbreak and loneliness, they moved through you. You CAN manage these feelings. You no longer have to avoid them by numbing out.”

Linda had become addicted to numbness as her way of managing her feelings, but once she learned to be with them with compassion, she no longer needed the numbness. I heard from her a couple of months after the Intensive and she was still feeling light and happy, with no sign of depression.

Each and every day, all of us continually search for the extra edge to win at the sport of sales and marketing. One of the most important things that you need to know is that there is a thin line that exists between activity versus accomplishment. Many people feel if they are “active” then they are productive. This is not true! Too often people run around shuffling papers, go back and forth to meetings and are continually on and off their cell phones, but they never accomplish a single task. Consequently, they never obtain their ultimate goal.

Each day as an achiever, you need to set daily, productive action goals that are results-oriented. I personally prefer a goal partner – an accountability partner – someone you can be accountable to each and every day to make sure you did what you said you were going to do! As soon as you instill this into your mindset, you will see the results of your productive efforts flourish very quickly.

The daily compounding of effectiveness will be very dramatic for you to witness. The key to success is leverage, but you must be confident in your efforts to be duplicated in a productive manner. You need to ask yourself a very powerful, truthful question every night as you retire to bed, “If everyone did today what I did for my business, how much would they have actually accomplished?”

Always remember, a small improvement over a long period of time produces dramatic results! Begin to review your actions TODAY…RIGHT NOW! Confirm that they are accomplishment-oriented and that your mindset reflects productivity versus pure movement as activity. I WARN YOU! You will begin to see outstanding results begin immediately. Always be a truthful judge of your actions and determine if you are just being active or are you accomplishing your ultimate outcome through your daily activities.

Find your WHY & FLY!

John Di Lemme

http://www.FindYourWhy.com

Acting confidently can go a long way to teach us how to feel and be more confident. If you practice acting confident for at least part of your day every day, you will notice a difference in a month.

How does a confident person stand, sit, and walk? How do they look at a person? A confident person will look you directly in the eyes, won’t they? How do they speak? They don’t use a small voice, do they? A confident person is not afraid to ask for things, or to speak with strangers.

If you have somewhere to go like a job interview or on a date, take a few minutes before you go to daydream how a confident person would do it. Do you have a role model? Perhaps there is someone in the movies or life that you wish you were more like. How would they handle the situation? Have fun in the privacy of your home play-acting.

Sometimes you can rehearse situations with a friend to help you with your confidence. This is great for becoming comfortable with job interviews or dealing with customers. Practice and familiarity makes us feel confident.

If you would like to become good at job interviews, you could also apply for many jobs, even ones you don’t want. At first you may feel nervous, but your purpose is not to get a job, it is to get more comfortable and better at impressing others favorably. The more interviews you do, the less they intimidate you and the more confident you will be. With practice, before long, you will be very successful at getting job offers.

A great deal of how we appear to others consists of how we appear to ourselves. When we are nervous or not confident in ourselves, it often causes others to have less faith in us as well. If we believe we are beautiful, others will see our beauty. If we believe we are valuable to them, others will see our value. Always remind yourself of your qualities and the good you have to offer.