All around the country along about now, the kids are going back to school. While it’s primarily their event, it impacts the whole family, as everyone adjusts to new schedules and routines.

As you maneuver your way through this yearly adjustment, here are some tips to keep in mind.

When To Loosen Up, When To Tighten Up

Establish the new routines consistently and firmly. Go over the new organization that’s required – preparing for school the night before (clothes and supplies organized and ready to go for the next day), a sensible bed time, whether they bathe in the morning or evening, getting up on time, cleaning teeth, getting dressed and eating a good breakfast, and being ready for transportation on time.

At the same time, relax about other things not so important. Remember that your child is under stress, adjusting to a new routine, new teacher, new classmates and classroom, and perhaps even a new school. You can let up on some things for the time being, such as keeping their room spit-spot.

Expect some regression in behavior. That’s what we do under stress (and you may be doing it as well!). Your child may be a little more on edge than usual and more emotionally reactive. That’s why being firm about the new routines are important. Allow for outbursts, remaining calm yourself. Remember you’re always modeling emotional intelligence, whether you mean to or not.

They will also be picking up some new habits. Who among us hasn’t had their child return home from school the first day with a lovely new word you can’t believe they learned, and never want to hear again.

Go back over the rules of the road for your household, and the fact that “Freddy does it so I can too,” doesn’t compute. My mother used to say “If Freddy sat on a hot stove, would you?” (Eventually I figured out the meaning of this metaphor!)

Processing

School is school, just like work is work, but when there’s been a hiatus, and when certain parts of it are new, there is always emotional processing going on.

Just as you ask your child for facts — about their teacher, classmates, and subject — ask them about their feelings. Then listen. Provide support and perspective as needed. A comment such as, “I hate school,” should be calmly investigated. It may turn out, as happened to me once with a little one, that the lunch served that day had been “yuchy,” though everything else, once pursued, appeared to have been keen.

If you precede this with “How are you feeling about your new teacher?” you will get a chance to experience the level of your child’s ability to express their emotions, and can help him or her sort them through, which is invaluable. Make emotional-expression vocabulary a part of your child’s learning experience. Children as young as 3 can learn to respond (when having a tantrum):

“Are you angry?”
“Yes.”
“Can you tell me why?”
I’m frustrated.”

It’s More Than Getting A’s

As you get into the first weeks, check and see how your child is doing in their social adjustment. Friends and being able to get along make such a difference in their self-esteem, happiness, and ability to function well at school. A’s are important, but children with higher emotional intelligence and better interpersonal relationships tend to do better academically.

With patience on your part, and instruction, and the passage of time, much of the turmoil will subside. Before you know it, you’ll all be settled into the new routine!

Imagine you’re happily driving down a country road on a clear, sunny day. Suddenly a semi truck crosses the center line and is heading right at you. Heart pounding and adrenaline rushing, you react. Will you avert disaster? Maybe. Maybe not. In this moment, your life depends on where you focus.

Professional driving instructors tell us that what people usually do in emergency situations is to stay focused on the object they are trying to avoid. In driving, where your eyes and mind are focused is most often where you will steer.

Unfortunately, if you were focused on the truck in the situation above you would likely steer right into it. The route to safety is to focus on where you want to go. In this case, you’d look away from the truck to a place that’s safer. You would then automatically steer the car in that direction. Safe!

You may be wondering, “What the heck does that have to do with creating more pleasure, passion, and purpose in my life?”

My response is “A great deal!” As in the example of the truck, your life depends on where you focus.

Focusing on What You Don’t Want Steers You to More of That

Often when we are feeling stuck, dissatisfied, confused, or unhappy we are focused on what we DON’T want. We are looking at the truck we’d like to avoid.

We’re thinking or saying “I don’t want to be in this miserable job another day” or “I don’t want to work on this project” or “I don’t want to have pizza for dinner tonight.”

From the big events to the small details in life, we tend to put a lot of our thoughts and attention on precisely what we don’t want.

So, what’s the problem with that? Well, it’s kind of like steering your car into the truck. The more you focus on what you don’t want, the more you head in that direction.

Your mind is wired to create whatever you focus on.

Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” and Maxwell Maltz’s “Psychocybernetics” are two classic books on this subject. These and other researchers tell us that the mind can’t tell the difference between something you’re thinking about that you want and something you’re thinking about that you do not want.

Whatever you think about, your mind goes to work to make that happen.

Getting More of What You Really Do Want

If you’d like to get more of what you want in life (pleasure, passion, purpose), shift your focus away from what you don’t want and clearly, purposefully towards what you do want.

Your mind will go to work creating that. You’ll get unstuck. Your energy will increase. Solutions, alternatives, and options will come to you more easily.

Here’s a recent personal example. At the end of a long day, I was getting ready to prepare dinner. I’d been grocery shopping and had the ingredients for three complex dishes I hadn’t made before.

Hungry and tired, I reviewed the recipes but quickly became frustrated and overwhelmed. I started saying to myself “I don’t want to make these dishes. I don’t want this to be so hard. I don’t want these recipes to be so complicated.”

Those thoughts increased my agitation. I felt stuck and upset. Then I took a deep breath. I asked myself, “What do I really want in this situation right now?” (Besides a personal chef!)

The answer was “I want to make a healthy and great tasting dinner in a way that is fast and easy for me.”

I quickly saw a solution I’d been unable to see minutes before: make only one of the new dishes that night along with a simple salad and save the other new recipes for another evening.

So that’s what I did. The cooking was less stressful and the food turned out great. I switched from what I didn’t want to what I did want. And it worked!

Are you focused on what you want or what you don’t want?

I know many (maybe most) of us have an ingrained habit pattern that focuses us on what we don’t want. Changing this pattern can be challenging. And I’ve seen with myself and my clients that it’s definitely worth doing!

In Your Life

The more you focus on what you do want, the more pleasure, passion, and purpose you will create in your life. Focus on the clear road ahead, not on the truck coming at you. Try experimenting with this.

1) When you’re feeling stuck, stressed, worried, angry, unhappy, or upset, become aware of what you’re focusing on. You may be focusing on exactly what you don’t want.

2) As soon as you notice you’re focusing on what you DON’T want, ask yourself, “What DO I want in this situation?”

3) Purposefully and intentionally, change your focus to and keep your focus on what you do want.

4) Repeat as needed.

Enjoy!

There are many people that just can’t stop lying. In order to avoid the truth this path is chosen. A lie that is said for someone’s benefit is to cheat another. However there are some people that always lie, meaning that they are looked upon as liars for everything and anything that they might say. Anyone who has the habit of lying continuously is called as compulsive liar. It is a condition where a person is just unable to speak the truth, even if he tries to put it in a simple and truthful way there happens to be a point at which he will be unable to continue with the harsh truths and in order to avoid this he will start it all again with lying.

Compulsive lying is also like an addiction just like sex, drugs, smoking and so on. Just as a person requires help under all these conditions, the situation is the same even with compulsive lying. Any person can be a compulsive liar; your daughters, sons, husbands, wife’s, girlfriends, boyfriends etc. Instead of avoiding your compulsive liar (friend or spouse) you can help them deal with this disease just like you would do in case of a more evident addiction.

For this you don’t have to directly approach them and tell them that they are lying as this could hurt their feelings or make them defensive. Instead opt for a way that would help them. Try showing them that you know about the lies, but try and take it easy by telling them that you knew it was meant as a joke. Let the victim realize that there is a problem and help them. You can take the victim to psychiatrist and expect a change in him/her.

There are people that look could be blatantly lying but actually they are trying to make a joke of a particular situation. You cannot take them in the counting of compulsive liars, as they are quite different from compulsive liars. Compulsive lying is also common in children where they try to hide the truth by lying. They make false stories and try and gain their parents faith. This is not good for children, as they have the potential of becoming compulsive liars from early childhood. They become dishonest from the day they learn to use lies as their weapon to hide reality. It is common with children as they may be frightened to tell the truth, and other kids use it to get attention. Once a child starts lying compulsively he makes a habit out of it and in future it is not possible for him to gather courage to speak the truth.

If you are a compulsive liar and want to find a way out of this destructive behaviour, why not consider using hypnosis. Many people the world over have freed themselves from the need to lie, by using this simple, yet effective technique. In fact it is so simple that you can actually get an MP3 download and listen to it at your own pace in the comfort of your own home.